Meet me in Montauk

I stood, back aching, as I folded countless quasi-vintage tee-shirts. Meagan, my vindictive manager, piled more and more faux-Rolling Stones tees in front of me. Surpressing my anger was easy on this particular day; it was me last day as a fashion representative (i.e. professional tee-shirt folder) at Delias. So, not being employed there means I no longer get a 40% employee discount. Oh well, I guess it's back to thrifting... Not that I mind... Simply buying clothes has left me in a perpetual creative mud puddle... Stagnant. It's time for change. Yes... that's right... Change...

Lately, I feel the need to change everything. In about 2 weeks I'm moving out of my parent's house- my home of 20 years- for good. Obviously, I am an emotional train-wreck. Not that I let it show... Today, I remembered the first time I realized that my parents really love each other:

I was awake, but I hadn't gotten out of bed yet. Hey, I had like 20 minutes until my alarm went off, why would I move? Anyways, I heard my parents having a really simple conversation. I think it was about some stuff going on at my dad's job. Really very basic. But, I remember thinking... "Hey, that's love." We never really invest much time into wondering whether our parents love each other. Most of the time, we wonder if they love us. More importantly, we wonder if we love our parents. My parents love each other. And I knew it that morning as they drank coffee in our living room.

I guess it wasn't until recently that I realized that I love my parents. Yes, I love them; however, I CANNOT live with them. I can't live in this area... Period... I have changed so much over the last few years, but this town stays the same. I mean, people here are still obsessed with Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam for fuck sake. Don't get me wrong, classic rock is ok, but they need to progress to The Arcade Fire. Or, at least listen to Neutral Milk hotel if you can't get really modern. Ugg boots didn't become well known here until not too long ago. Kate Moss ditched Uggs for Muk-Luks like a year ago... Ok, it's just sick that I kow that.

I digress... I have changed as a person in many ways. In highschool (shudders at the mention of that time period) I was all about Christianity. I wasn't a Jerry Falwell or anything... I just thought Jesus was an Ok guy. Now, I am agnostic... Though, I'd have to say I lean more towards Atheism. A really big breakthough change- or maybe just a realization- came the other night while I was watching Sex and the City (Please don't judge me).

Sex and the City is about middle aged women and their plethora of sex, bliss, relationships, and break-ups. It occured to me that, although I love the show, this would be my personal hell. 35 years old and still dating??? Dating?! I HATE dating more than anything. So, it occured to me that I need one person. One person and a shared passion... Not a home... Not a car... Not a life of schedules, routine, and fax machines. I need someone I don't have to date. Someone who just is. Someone who will be. Someone who will always.

I read this article in some teen magazine (Once again, please don't judge me) about why girls shouldn't date guys in bands. It's not necessarily the band that gets me (though, it definitely doesn't hurt- ahh hemmm Conor Oberst) creation of music is so artistic. Art is impulse. Impulse is so sexy. This magazine claimed girls like to sit down and have breakfast at a nice, cozy little quaint table. Guys in bands supposedly crave spontaneity and restless travel... Ummm, so do I! While eating breakfast together is nice, I can easily eat breakfast that was fished from a dumpster behind a bake-goods shoppe. I can eat breakfast on the back of an elephant while travelling through India. I am impulsive. I am adventurous. I swear I am. I dyed my hair brown on a whim. I worship randomness and creativity. Fuck breakfast!

Well, if guys in bands don't want relationships, at least I don't have to lie and tell them their bands are good...